Last night the sad, tragic news that Robin Williams had passed away was beamed around the world and in an instant a whole slew of memorable laughs and stomach aches that arose from laughing at his madcap insane humour came flooding to my mind. As the rolling news streamed on the BBC News channel it was already known that he had taken his own life and how he had done it. It seemed almost gruesome that his body not even cold and people knew the details. I couldn’t take much more and went to bed.
This morning I woke up, I didn’t feel ready for the day. One more hero gone and what’s the bloody point and all those fucking cliches.
Then I opened Facebook.
People were talking, not just about his death and how he had taken his life, but about WHY he’d done it. The depression that had plagued him like so many others had been made the bad guy. Sufferers were being listened to by usually unsympathetic partners and families. People you wouldn’t normally expect to talk about Mental Illness were talking about it. The world seemed angry.
The world had lost a genius to the Black Dog and now the dog needed putting down and the world was Animal Control all of a sudden.
I still feel like today shouldn’t be happening, and it really shouldn’t have taken a man of 63 to take his own life to raise awareness, after all millions of us have been doing this for years, but it’s happening and… well…
Well it finally looks like summer has finally arrived and I feel like I couldn’t wish for winter to arrive quicker. Even though I have been steadily losing weight for the past few years I still detest the oppressive heat that summer brings. The close muggy feeling that midday temperatures bring.
Oh well, can’t complain all the time.
A couple of weeks ago I was asked to guest edit the wonderful This World In Mentalist weekly roundup of Mentalist Blogs. I chose a blog that mentioned about getting out in the Garden and getting the grass cut and the beneficial results of doing that. Well yesterday I did just that and lo… I felt better after. I felt a sense of something accomplished. OK my arms and wrists ached, but that’s a by-product of a possible reoccurrence of Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, not a great deal I can do about that. The last place we lived had a deceptively large garden that was virtually impossible for us to keep under control. It would take an hour just to get the first corner done and then we’d all be too knackered to carry on so it would get left. This garden is so much better and manageable. It took me around 45 minutes to get the majority of the garden cut, and if it hadn’t been for the aforementioned pain I would have done the edges with the strimmer and finessed the job off. Maybe another day when the evil that is the sun has buggered off.
George Osbourne… Gonna… Wanna… ARRRGGHHHH
Last week George Osbourne gave his Spending review speech to the House Of Commons and I sat and watched in credulous along with the rest of the country, but I was dragged from my induced madness by the man’s total lack of diction. I made this post in response to a friend’s post on Facebook:
My FB post about George Osbournes Diction during the Spending Review Speech
A while later, I was skimming my Twitter feed and I saw this video tweeted:
Stephen Fry is a bit of a hero of mine. He is an open champion of Mental Health issues and has been for some time, and he happened to become the most vocal at about the same time I needed the most help understanding where I stood with my own health.
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven’t seen the joke yet. – Oliver Herford
You know, hate is a strong word that I am trying to eliminate from my vocabulary slowly. There is one thing that as much as I try will never be eliminated from my hatred column though:
These horrid soul sucking beasts from the netherworld create the sound of a wildebeest standing on its own scrotum and not having the dumb sense to get off of itself. Having said that, there is one, just ONE exception to this rule: AC/DC. The track “It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna To Rock ‘n’ Roll)”. That is the only justification I had until this past week for Bagpipes, that until I saw this video:
Please note: He had the sense to keep it short. “Well done that man”.
Giddy as a 15 Year Old Kid Again
Back when I was a very VERY spotty 15 year old kid I remember eagerly coming home from school one September afternoon hoping and praying it would be there. That one thing I had been busting a gut string wishing would be mine. That was the Bon Jovi album New Jersey. That would be my first album, the first one that was all mine. When I got home from school my mum was stood by our stereo and as I opened the living room door I heard the opening sounds of “Lay Your Hands On Me“, and it was then I knew… “It was there… It was mine”. I didn’t listen to anything else for days after. I think I annoyed my family more in that week than I had bugging them about getting the album the day it came out in the weeks leading up to its release.
Yesterday Black Stone Cherry helped me relive that feeling for a while as they posted to their Facebook timeline a Fan captured video of a new track from their forthcoming new album that they played at Download last weekend. The track “Me and Mary Jane” is a certifiable BSC classic in the making. The video below isn’t the greatest, but it gave me enough goosebumps to be that 15 year old kid again.
(Video Removed Due to You Tube Take Down Inconsiderate People)
Finally, this past week we went to a local event run by the church my Brother and his family go to. I’ll be making a post about it next week as I have some stuff I want to say about the event, but as always It gave me a chance to take some photos, and I even managed to get some video using an iPhone app that gave some great results, more of that next week. This photo is one of my favourite subjects, and I think his favourite pastime is to pose for photos. This is my Nephew Gibson. I have tweaked the image in the iPhone app PhotoToaster.
I been down so god-damn long… it looks like up to me….
I been down so Very very long… It looks like up to me…
I know Jim Morrison didn’t write that, but it was his version I was listening to last night and I’ll be damned if it’s not stuck in my head today. What makes it even more ironic is that I actually can relate to the emotion and the words of this song.
I started writing and it started to flow and t he all of a sudden I had written about the dark side again, about suicide and how it woudl all be so easy to end everything. It’s strange because I was and am writing at work and it’s very bitty the way I can write here. Calls always interupting the flow, but for some reason today it’s a constant stream of bullshit. I don’t want to feel the way I do, I want to feel the shiney happy people feelings.
OK I had to stop posting at work it got to busy, so now I am home and carrying on… not that you really needed to know that, but if it seems a little more disjointed than usual then there you have it.
For the second Saturday in a row I am working 8am-12noon. Not a massive shift but it’s a slow shift. Last week I ended up playing the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy game on the BBC website.. this week I blog..muhahahaha.
It’s not that I am bored, but rather trying to avoid boredom. If I set out to do something on these quieter shifts i feel like I have accomplished something.
My life has to be about goals at the moment. I need things to work towards to help me get from day to day and to fight of the next impending depression.
I wish I was a good Manic Depressive that can sense when his attacks are coming, but I can’t… not yet at least. My next session with the shrinks is going to involve working out a trigger list (there was an official name for it but i don’t remember this early in the morning). Jayne (my lovely mental health support worker)has been a real help in getting me this far and making time for me when my life wasn’t working the way I wanted it. Some people say bad things about the NHS but I have nothing but praise for everyone I have had dealings with.
If anyone actually reads this then you may notice a slight change in style of my writing.. I am trying out a new plain talk no bullshit approach. There may be the odd fluffy expressive moment when I can drag my creativity out of retirement (not of choice)
Basically it’s time to get vocal and basic again. Watch This Space I will be back.